Rule #5: Online Dating Profiles Must Be Completed While Drunk

I have filled out one online dating service profile in my life.  And I was half-drunk when I did.  OK, maybe more than half.  Frankly, I'm not sure I remember how drunk I was.  I neither vomited nor texted an ex, so that's something.  I did, however, watch the same SportsCenter at least three times before realizing it was the same (man, how many goals did the Devils give up tonight?!?).

It wasn't this bad.

Anyway, I found the experience as humiliating, degrading, and boring as I find all of dating.  But being a bit lubricated did free me to answer as honestly as I ever will.  Especially when it's a series of multiple choice questions (Do you like kittens?  Yes/No//Only as an appetizer, not a full meal). And I think this should be done by the entire planet.

Isn't the most important thing to know about a potential partner how she or he reacts with her/his guard down?  Our friend Mr. Booze makes it happen!  How better to expose yourself emotionally than with the same chemical people drink before exposing themselves physically?  Maybe you'll even post the pictures taken of you under the influence of said chemical on the site!  This can only lead to "more dates, more engagements, and more marriages."

BTW, when eHarmony makes that claim, is it safe to say that they've also led to more bitter break-ups, divorces, and sexual assaults than another other site?  Just want to see the math on this.