Rule #3: Wedding Receptions Must START With the Throwing of the Bouquet

I defy any straight man to say this hasn't happened to him.

You're at a wedding.  Attractive woman, no date, is sitting at your table, or a table of a friend, or all the way across the room and you pretend you have to go to the bathroom just to walk by her table so many times that everyone at your table tells you to call a urologist.  You talk with her.  For about two hours.  Maybe some dancing.  Things seem great.

Then, the DJ/band leader asks for all the single women to head to the dance floor, it's time to throw the bridal bouquet.  And the woman you've been speaking to just stands there.

"Aren't you going up?"

"What?  Oh, no, I'm not...my husband couldn't make it today.  He's a) closing a multi-million dollar deal; b) parachuting into a hostage situation; c) starting for the Packers tomorrow and is on a flight to Tampa Bay - you should watch the game!"

This is, of course, immediately followed by your seeing the really beautiful woman from your table, who you were sure was there with her husband, elbowing her way to the front of the group on the floor, injuring several bridesmaids and a flower girl.  10 minutes after this you're waving good-bye to the bride and groom, and your chances of finding a moving and lovely experience with one of God's greatest creatures, or just a quick handjob by the coat check.

The solution is simple.  Have the bouquet toss at the beginning of the reception.  Let us all know who the single women are BEFORE we get to the salad course.  And, for fairness, have the garter toss then too, if you're doing that - and if not just have all the single guys line up and the DJ can say "here they are - sorry ladies, that's it.  But maybe you can take home one of the waiters."

I know someone reading this is going to be upset.  He or she is going to say "you make it sound like the only reason you would talk to a woman at a wedding is to sleep with her."

Two replies.  One, no - but I should know early on whether that's on the table.  Two, it's a WEDDING!!!  That's what they're for!!!  Weddings do not exist for two people to announce to their friends and relatives that they plan to stick together for at least the foreseeable future, and thank you for the blender.  They are for their friends to get laid.  Wedding Crashers was a documentary!