Rule #12: Working Out Disproves Darwin

I am a devout Darwinian.  We didn't evolve from apes - we and apes evolved from the same ancestor.  Some of us more than others.  But I understand why states like Louisiana and Kentucky don't want to teach evolution - they don't see any evidence of it around them.

Many apes are denying the connection as well

But, like all theories (which means a plausible or scientifically acceptable general principle or body of principles offered to explain phenomena, not shit we just made up like the anti-evolution people think), there can be holes, unexplained aspects, or contradictory thoughts.

For Darwin's Theory of Evolution, one of these contradictions is physical exertion to improve your overall health, otherwise known as "working out."

I recently bought a Groupon for 12 workouts with the Manhattan Strength Camp.  Twelve one-hour strenuous workouts to help me delay death for approximately 20 minutes.  And, they are good workouts, I recommend them.

He's yet to make us use the chains

This Tuesday (two days ago for those of you reading this on tape delay) we did the “Holiday Special” workout…which was:

• 100 Squats
• 100 Push-ups
• 100 Sit-ups
• 100 Burpees

OK, I did 75 of each, (as did my friend Orion).  And the pushups were the kind that would have caused the cast of The Big Bang Theory to call me "wimp!"  The rest of the group, mostly women wearing "Class of 2010" sweatshirts that do not refer to any college, did the whole 100.

Yesterday I felt a bit sore.

Today, every muscle I have is angry with me.  It hurts to type.  Yes, I had bananas, stretched, etc.  It's just that it's an intense workout, I'm 44 and not in the best of shape, and...

according to evolutionary theory working out is bad for you.

Here's how this works.  The body creates pain to tell you "hey, asshole, that was a dumb thing to do, don't do that again!"  You hit your thumb with a hammer, you learn "don't him your thumb with a hammer."  You stick your dick in a vacuum cleaner, you learn "don't stick your dick in the vacuum cleaner."  Eventually.

But working out is supposed to improve your health.  So, in theory, my body is telling me "don't improve your health."  Which is an unhealthy thing to say.  Which makes no sense in a truly evolutionary theory-defined universe.

Neither does the fact that ice cream tastes millions of times better than broccoli, which we know since birth. 

And SPEAKING OF BIRTH...it would seem that making birth painful would have led to our utter extinction.  Or, at least, to a limit to one child per mother.

But, we go on.  We work out.  We eat broccoli.  We give birth (well, some of us do).  And Darwin sits on his cloud going "hmm...still some bugs in the system."