75% of you who live in New York City will answer "stop."
The rest of you ride bicycles. Or drive cabs.
In elementary school we were shown the movie Just Like a Car about bicycle safety. I can still hear that stupid theme song. The song, and film, taught us that we had to follow all the same rules as drivers did (except we didn't have to get inspected every year and had no backseat to throw our empty White Castle boxes into).
Apparently I'm the only one who remembers this.
Go to any intersection in this city, stand there for a few minutes (try not to look suspicious as Mayor Bloomberg has probably been monitoring your activities for the past 3.46 years), and watch what the bicyclists do at red lights. If they aren't a snobbish blur passing you at Mach 1. Something about cycling makes you see the color "red" as "green."
Physicists will tell you that when you travel fast enough objects will appear to change color, since your speed affects the vibration rate you perceive. But, I'm guessing it's either colorblindness or just being entitled jerks.
I've discussed with with friends who ride. One said that the traffic laws were "suggestions" for cyclists. I stopped myself from seeing if he considered the law against pounding the shit out of someone to also be a "suggestion."
Another said she stopped "most of the time, or at least look before I go through." WOW - there's a GREAT HUMAN BEING! She LOOKS before she barrels through a crosswalk! Why has the Nobel Prize committee overlooked this humanitarian for so long?
Damn, that's a low bar.
The worst, the FUCKING worst, happens in Central Park. The bike path there has stoplights. And crosswalks. And thousands of assholes who spend their parents' trust fund on their bikes, helmets, gloves, Eurotrash shirts, $75 water bottles, and shorts that let you know their religion and/or labia shape. Assholes who feel they have the right to hit 55 mph, get mad when you follow the rules on crossing (yes, I've had them yell "EXCUSE ME" when I was crossing WITH THE LIGHT and they zipped past), and have an air of entitlement that exceeds the one Republican candidates think women who want birth control covered by their insurance have.
This year's Tour De Douche leaders
(and that does translate as "Race of Shower," but you get the idea)
I hear the same litany of complaints from bicyclists when I bring this up.
"Hey - jaywalkers are a danger to me!" Yes, they are. And I'm not defending people who break those laws (which, yeah, I do - SHUT UP). But 1) you will hurt them more than they hurt you (most likely), and 2) someone else doing something wrong is not cover for you to do wrong (unless you're running for President, or in Kindergarten, or both)
"It's tough to stop that short when you're at speed." OK, here's a thought. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. You do NOT have a right (legal or otherwise) to try and break the land speed record on Park Avenue, the bike path, or even the FDR Drive. I know you like to think you're in the Olympics when you're out there outracing a bunch of 5-year-old with training wheels, but you're not. You're a Wall Street loser who attempts to feel better about himself by outracing a bunch of 5-year-olds. DEAL WITH IT!!!!
"Stopping is a pain when you have clips on." OK, here's a thought. DON'T WEAR EQUIPMENT YOU CAN'T USE RIGHT! If you can't stop because you're wearing those stupid shoes, don't wear those stupid shoes.
The one they think, but don't say, is that since they are superior human beings for riding a bike they are allowed to do whatever they want. Yeah, OK. Fine. If that soothes your dead rotting soul, fine.
I understand the desire to push yourself, hit high speeds, show your mojo on the bike. Here are two suggestion: 1) find a Velodrome; 2) take the train to NJ, LI, or Poughkeepsie, find some empty area, and do it there!
If you find this all too confusing, maybe this example of someone who is apparently smarter than a NYC bicyclist will help:
Thanks to her eidetic memory, Marilu Henner
can still recite all these lines and tell you what bra she was wearing
N.B. — NONE of this applies to the delivery guy bringing me my Atomic Wings. He may break all laws, ride at any speed, run over anyone in his way, and use lethal force if necessary.
